Tag Archives: family

04/5/12

{365.96} I Combat Depression With Library Books

My family went back home this morning so I was feeling all kinds of dreary afterwards. It didn’t help that the day was overcast and a cold front had come in. The dog cried and whimpered for a while after they left, so we were both just kind of sitting around being gloomy. I finished a book I’d started the night before, which turned out to be surprisingly good — better than I was expecting, I’ll be honest — and then I resolved to go to the library and return the four that I was finished with. Oh, and pick up more, of course. I’m a binge reader if there ever was one, haha.

Reading is also comforting because it helps me forget about being sad, so I spent most of my day doing that. Also did a bit of writing, and took a nap, and talked to my mother-in-law for an hour when she called. The dog and I went for a rambling walk around 6:30 and didn’t come back until 7:00. Now the wind is positively howling outside and it’s gotten colder. I snapped a picture of these bushes out by the fence where we walk because I thought the little white flowers were adorable, even though the wind was actually whipping them into a frenzy at the time.

I keep cracking myself up with this “writing process” of mine. It’s so totally random at times. I’m constantly slapping my forehead and groaning, because I wonder how it is that I didn’t think of half this stuff until after I’d written 91k words. I mean, I’m glad I’ve come up with these new additions because they bring a lot of depth to the story, in my opinion, but it’s funny how I had to write so much before I could look back and say, oh, I should put this here to make it better. I guess my way of doing things is just always going to be all roundabout and endlessly branching out like one of those deranged bubble maps kids put together for stories when they’re in 3rd or 4th grade. I’ve read of this sort of emergent method of writing being referred to as ‘organic’ in the sense that the characters take shape as you go on, and the outline isn’t so much an outline as it is a suggestion of how things might be. My original outline is, by now, an overgrown tangle of ivy and vines, being taken back by the earth it grew out of. I’m serious. Something else has taken over and I’m just writing it down. I have the distinct sensation that my characters roll their eyes at me all the time in disbelief that it’s required this much time for me to figure out the paths they have to take. I’m sure each of them knew all along.

I have  a lot of “duh moments” while writing, which I’ve accepted about myself. Haha.

I’ve been reading a lot of YA lately, partly because I’ve found some truly intriguing story lines that don’t have anything to do with paranormal romance (excuse me while I gag) or love triangles. I’ve developed a real dispassion for love triangles in YA books. They’ve become so formulaic and boring and just blah. But I also try to read a lot of YA because I like to keep up with the genre; my own writing tends toward YA high fantasy, so it’s useful for me to see what other people are writing and doing. Lately I’ve developed a fixation with reading not just for the story but for the underlying mechanics of the story itself. How did this author reveal her characters’ secrets? What could I take from this book’s pacing and use to improve my own? That sort of thing. In a nutshell, I become nerdier and more lame daily~ Hahahahahaha

04/1/12

{365.92} I Celebrate Never Having To Be Eighteen Again

My younger sister is due to start her freshman year of college in the fall. This has been the nonstop topic of debate in our family since January when she graduated high school early; she transitioned to taking classes at a community college with all the other students who finished early, and will get her diploma in June with the rest of her class. She applied to 7 schools and got accepted to three, but the rejection letter from her first choice really devastated her. There are a lot of things I could say about her approach to all these applications, but I won’t go into exhaustive detail. I just look at it as something she’ll remember when she’s older and think, boy, I could have tried a little harder.

I sound harsh, I know, but it’s true. She was late for several of her admissions deadlines. She didn’t really want to go to any California colleges, so she half-assed the applications for them and subsequently got rejected from all but one. I was the one who proofread her essays, and I told her my honest opinion: she could have given it more effort. Maybe she underestimated the amount of competition that she had to deal with, or maybe she just didn’t believe it when everyone told her that the admissions process is rigorous and demanding. When she applied for her first choice — Emory, in Georgia — she told all of us that it was a guaranteed acceptance. She seemed to know, like the back of her hand, that she was going to get in. Our guess at this point is that this confidence made her complacent when she was applying, and her final package was lackluster in comparison to what she could’ve delivered if she was really trying.

(Note: we are not the stereotypical Asian family where you’re expected to get into an Ivy League school. The family goal has always just been for both of us to graduate from college.)

So now, our family is at a crossroads. My parents want to go home to the Philippines for good, and for that to happen, Nina has to be settled at whatever college she chooses to attend. Her only options are UC Santa Cruz and the University of Buffalo in New York State. It seems from her attitude that she would rather die than go to Santa Cruz — my sister has never shared the love for California and the west coast that the rest of us have — which leaves the college in NY. It’s in the Niagara area, so not actually in NYC. But this college is so expensive that it’s got my parents’ eyes popping out of their skulls. They’ve offered her a total of $30,000 in scholarship money that she can choose to put towards either her tuition or board. She also came away with a Pell grant. But the total cost for four full years at this school is somewhere in the ballpark of $110,000, and when the calculations were made, it was determined that the loan payment she’d be dealing with post-graduation is a staggering $700+ a month. I’m currently putting down $300 a month on my own student loans, and it’s making me want to cry. I can’t even imagine being expected to put $700 a month towards student loans. I realize that there are a lot of people in this kind of debt, but we were hoping to spare her from it as much as we could, keep the cost as low as possible. It doesn’t seem like this is going to happen though, because Nina is bound and determined to go to college in NY, and every attempt we make at talking about it results in a huge fight. We aren’t telling her she can’t go, mind you. We just want to lay down the facts for her, show her what the numbers are, before she makes this big decision. But, true to form, she’s taking it all defensively and in totally the wrong way. *Yay*

This all just frustrates me because I’ve been there, eighteen years old and confused as hell. My parents never really gave me the option of applying to a university after high school. It seemed, during my senior year, that I was the only one not going through the admissions process. I was headed for community college, because this was what we could afford, and my vague dreams of going to college on the mainland were dashed when my parents basically told me this wasn’t an option. I spent my freshman year in CC, and then we moved to Texas, where I transferred to Midwestern State in my sophomore year. This all worked out for the best, in the end, but I remember that at the time I really felt unhappy. I hadn’t wanted to leave Hawaii for Texas, AT ALL. And when you’re 18 going on 19, it’s easy to believe the whole world is against you, that everything and everyone is just conspiring to foil your grand plans for yourself. You’re too young to realize that your grand plans are kind of dumb. You’re too proud to admit that you have 0 direction in life. And above all, you resent the people who try to give you practical advice. This is where Nina is right now, and it’s amplified in her case because she’s always been drastically different in temperament compared to me. I could be reasoned with, bullied, made to accept that I was wrong. Nina is 100% more stubborn, would rather pick a fight than apologize or admit that she made a mistake. The truth? She should’ve tried harder when she was applying for colleges, should’ve been more sensible, should’ve taken it more seriously. But it’s too late now, and when we try to point out how expensive it would be to go to NY, she just sees it as her family being meddlesome. She goes into me-against-the-world mode, there’s a shouting match, dad walks out and doesn’t return for almost two hours, we’re all upset and everything is awkward.

So yeah, Day 2 of the family visit went well. Super well. Dad got home from walking off his anger and frustration, went immediately into the spare bedroom, and never came out again. Mom lectured Nina for another 30 minutes before giving up and going in too. And I was getting really ticked off looking at her face full of self-pity and teenage angst, so I retreated into my own bedroom and took the dog with me. Yeesh. I don’t know, my sister baffles me. She’s always been this way, I’m really not exaggerating. I’m sure there are people out there who would tell us to just let her go, leave her alone, let her make stupid mistakes and pay the price. These are going to be her massive, gigantic student loans anyway — why bother trying to explain the costs to her? Why are we wasting our time? But in the end, family is family and none of us is comfortable with letting her walk into this without at least making sure she knows what she’s walking into. And yet, even our well-intentioned attempts at helping her just get interpreted as us telling her what to do. We’re just the annoying people she’s forced to call her family, dragging her down and messing up all her idealistic dreams.

I think, at heart, I’m disappointed because I know she could do so well. She has so much potential. There are so many schools she could’ve applied to and been accepted to, she could’ve had more options than this. But pride is a difficult thing to get over, when you’re as young as she is. It’s cliche to say that she could go far if she would just apply herself, but it’s how I truly feel.

Let’s hope tomorrow has less shouting involved. Ugh. On that note, soooooo glad I’m not 18 anymore. Being so disagreeable and melodramatic now seems exhausting to matronly, 24-year-old me. Hahahaha.

03/31/12

{365.91} I Was Originally Named ‘Girl Montojo’

[I'm having to backdate this post because my domain went down three times yesterday! Not sure why, it was very weird. I hope this isn't a trend they're planning to keep up.]

My mom brought all my official papers/documents/etc that she still had with her and gave them all to me. Included in this pile was a baby book with all my newborn stuff. I was, apparently, 6.4lbs when I was born. You can’t quite see it in this picture, but she also saved the little bracelet I was wearing that said GIRL MONTOJO. Hahaha.

Had a pretty busy day, mostly spent with my parents because my sister slept all day. Literally, ALL DAY. She woke up around 2:00pm for possibly an hour, then slept again until 7pm. Don’t ask me what time she went to bed last night/this morning because I have no clue, I slept like the dead after that crazy day I had. So anyway mom, dad, and I went out around 9am and walked the dog around the apartment complex, then around 5pm we went out and did some shopping and brought home some dinner. I found a hardcover copy of Coming Home by Rosamunde Pilcher (love this book aaahhhh) for $1.99 at Goodwill, as well as a really cute teacup that I have no use for but still wanted. In conclusion, I don’t foresee myself having a problem falling asleep tonight because I’m definitely tired! And wow, it was a hot day. The living room was absolutely stifling between the hours of 2 and 5, thanks to the fact that it’s designed to be a heat trap or something. LOL. I was really, REALLY missing that swamp cooler we have at work…

Monday we’re getting up bright and early because dad found a place to get my windshield taken out and replaced for just $204, and he made us an appointment for 8am. I also have a prescription to pick up, so we’ll be down at Nellis for that. Hey, at least I’ll get to stop by the commissary and buy some mango ice cream~~ But the best thing is that my windshield will no longer look like I do drift racing for a living. I mean, seriously. It looks ridiculous. Doesn’t fit my image at all. LOL.

Oddly enough, it’s supposed to drastically cool down tomorrow. There’s a full 10 degree difference in the high and low temperatures, plus I can already hear the wind starting to howl outside. Awesome, high winds = fun day of allergies for me. Hopefully there will be a nice, cool day during the week when we can go to the Strip while it’s a little bit less crowded. I say a little bit, but really it’s just always crowded there… haha.

Off to bed! The dog is staring at me and willing me to PLEASE go to sleep already because he’s been WAITING.

03/30/12

{365.90} I Can’t Believe I’m Still Awake

LONGEST DAY EVER LOL

Also, please note that this title says I’m still awake. It does not mean I’m coherent.

Okay, so I woke up at 5:00am after having the most bizarro dream that Thomas from Downton Abbey was working at the blood drive and I was giving blood. You know, despite my deeply rooted fear of needles since childhood and all my other issues with things like this. (Seriously, I’m so lame that they had to draw blood during a doctor visit and I almost fainted in the chair.) Also despite the fact that I totally don’t even LIKE Thomas from Downton Abbey. I mean, maybe he becomes less unpleasant later on in the season, but at this point it’s still too early to tell. ANYWAY so Thomas from Downton Abbey was there, brandishing needles and such at me, and then he insists that I can’t remove the needles from my arm because this is “part of procedure” and snobbishly walks away JUST LIKE HE DOES IN THE SERIES. LOL. This is when I wake up because it’s 5am and my alarm is going off. (But also because I become vastly irritated by Thomas in my dream and decide I’ve had enough.)

If I had known that I was going to have a horrid hair day and that it would take me like 15 minutes just to get all my masses of hair into a decent ponytail, I would’ve gotten up at 4:30. True story. Also, such is the woebegone tale of my life.

I think possibly the dog was a wee bit confused stepping out the door into what appeared to be nighttime. Hahahaha. He just stood there on the doormat for a bit and looked up at me and then looked all around him and was like… oookkaaayyy…. so is it still technically bedtime and this is a false alarm…? But he, of course, never objects to going outside and this confused phase lasted all of 2 seconds before he went prancing off to pee on some bushes. We take a 30 minute walk and by the time we get back it’s about 6:05, so I have like 10 minutes to scarf some yogurt and head out the door. I think he was too sleepy to really care that I was leaving, he just sat on his bed in the living room and stared haha.

All 10.5 hours of work today was CRAZY. A MADHOUSE. First of all, children instinctively know that it’s Friday whether or not this has been told to them or expressed to them in any way. Maybe they overhear weary adults extolling the virtues of this magical day called Friday, and so it takes on a kind of holiday air. I don’t know. But yeah, two little girls arrived at 6:45am — their dad is a fireman — and then more kids were dropped off as the day wore on until we had 3 girls and 3 boys. Really not a bad number, but they were extremely riled up because it was Friday, the weekend was right around the corner, there are 6 of us!!! WOW!!!, and also we had 2 people coming in who were being considered for the assistant teacher position. So, LOTS of new faces. Anytime there is a new face, there has to be a huge display of acting up and testing boundaries and such, it’s just normal and to be expected. Still, it’s EXHAUSTING. Then at 3:00 a prospective parent and her little boy came in to check out the preschool and see if it would fit their needs, which was yet another novelty to be exclaimed over and shown off for and et al etc. Plus they all wanted to meet the little boy and hug him and play with them and do backflips for him. Holy moly. It was seriously like herding cats. After naptime the heat rose outside and the sun was beating down on our little schoolhouse so it was stifling in there and all the kids were getting super grouchy from being hot and sticky. Couldn’t blame them, Erin and I were feeling it too. We turned on the swamp cooler (this is an amazing invention, I just want you all to know) and the kids all started clustering around it, just standing there feeling the cold air blowing on them. Hahahaha.

Fiiiinalllyyyy it was clear to go home since all the kiddos had been picked up. I got a paycheck for the hours I worked this week, which was nice. But then I get out to my car and see that there is a HUGE crack in my windshield… a NEW ONE!!! I already had one big crack on the passenger side from our drive to Nevada from Texas. Omg STILL MAD. Very mad. Also partly devastated. I love my car. I don’t care that it’s eight years old, is suffering from balding paint, and doesn’t have a cool clicker to open the doors with. I still love it. I will love it forever, I picked it out myself and it’s even Paola-sized. So, this newest injury to my car had me totally livid. Being livid AND being completely exhausted makes collapsing into a bed seem so, so appealing. I’m going to guess that the newest crack comes from having to use street parking that’s paved with gravel and rocks and whatnot, someone must have ricocheted something off my car. I was just so beat up from the really early start and the very, very, VERY long shift and the worry over my dog and the fact that my parents were coming in. I seriously almost cried, ahahahaha. I mean, I’m laughing now, but at the time it was like icing on the cake. Ugh, it’s such a huge crack too. My dad and I are going to try and get it fixed, but I’m unhappy about how much this is going to cost :( We were planning to buy me a new car next year or so, and finally retire my Tracker, but at the same time the cracks are going to worsen over time so if I don’t repair the windshield it’s going to make everything suck more.

The dog was okay, by the way. No mental scarring, no accidents, no vaulting off the balcony in a fit of despair. The only thing I discovered was that he’d jumped onto our bed and slept on top of it, leaving a nice big patch of fur and fluff all over the comforter. David was a bit miffed at this news because the dog is trained not to jump onto our furniture, but I know that he has a tendency to do this when he’s left alone for a long time. We can’t shut the door to our bedroom because the sliding glass doors to the balcony are in here and therefore his doggy door is also in here. I’ll just put a blanket over our comforter next time, because honestly I would rather he slept on our bed than had an accident somewhere in the house that I would have to clean up later.

Parents got stuck in a 1.5 hour traffic jam on northbound I-15; of course, it’s Friday in Vegas, lots of people either coming or going for the weekend or heading out to the Strip for work/tourism/whatever. And we have super nice weather lately so I’m sure a lot of people were heading to the mountains to go camping or hiking. So they didn’t call until 8:40 when they got lost and I had to go get them — thankfully they were only 2 miles away and I knew exactly where they were because it was the shopping center next to the library. Now they’ve filled my fridge with all the contents of their fridge, taken over the spare bedroom, changed the settings on our TV, and are already slightly driving me crazy. LOL.

I can’t believe I summoned the fortitude/energy to write this much. I am actually so tired that I could fall asleep right now, sitting up, while typing. It’s that heavy, achy, ready to collapse kind of sleepy. It’s weird that this day isn’t over yet. I feel like it should have ended ages ago but it’s still going, on and on and on. TIME TO GO TO BED.

P.S. Is my lunch bag not adorable??

01/25/12

{Project 365.25} I Cook Things & Feel Accomplished

I went to the grocery store today :( It’s truly unbelievable how many people are running around town at 10am on a Wednesday. Still, I got the shopping done and then I hauled all of it upstairs to our second floor apartment. Then, I made David some fruit and yogurt parfaits for his breakfast. He gets up horribly early every day for work, and he doesn’t have much for breakfast unless it’s something he can eat in a hurry or bring with him, so I thought I’d get some of these little reusable plastic containers and make parfaits with blueberries and strawberries. I think they look adorable~~~~ Except there wasn’t any normal granola at the store, so I had to substitute some of David’s Kashi cereal for topping. In any case, this way I can just wash out the containers and make more parfaits.

Also — glory upon glories — I totally cooked a new recipe for dinner. This is part of Phase I of my plan to cook dinner at least three times a week. I made crispy oven-baked chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. Technically, David was in charge of the mashed potatoes and gravy because these tasks were delegated to him, but still. Hahahaha. It turned out pretty good, so I am labeling the endeavor a success. The mashed potatoes were particularly amazing. Tomorrow it’s slow cooker pot roast.

To end my entry for today, I would like to share that my mother called me bright and early this morning presumably to make small talk but actually to ask me if I could possibly set her up with Facebook Timeline because she was tired of the old Facebook format. Oh, and my sister wouldn’t do it for her because she didn’t know how/hates Facebook. I really had to laugh. I think Facebook totally changed my mom’s life. She was able to still be on her high school reunion committee even though it was happening in the Philippines (she attended last summer and the tide of pictures is STILL coming), and also she routinely suggests that I friend massive lists of relatives I didn’t even know I had. (“WHERE DO THEY KEEP COMING FROM???”) Every day, there is a post from my mom of some kind of inspirational quote, as well as an aggressive campaign to tag me in all pictures she feels I need to see at all costs. No, it doesn’t matter if I’m not actually IN the pictures, so if you see me tagged in something featuring random people who don’t resemble me at all, don’t pause to wonder. Just nod, smile, and bow before my mom’s all-out Facebook Domination. This is what I do. By the way, you better believe she goes by a ninja alias on Facebook. SHE will find YOU, not the other way around. *Control Freak Dance* Hahahahaha. Still, since my family and I are not big on calling one another all the time, FB is how I stay connected with them through my mom’s news feed vigilance. It’s a good thing, as well as completely hysterical.

01/20/12

{Project 365.20} I Have No Opinion On Anthropology

We have a lot of these bushes here at our apartment complex, but I noticed that some of them haven’t unfurled their leaves yet. Before they spread out, they look a lot like flowers. I snapped a picture while walking the dog this morning (a feat in itself, considering he got REALLY excited over the kids who were walking to the school bus and I could barely get him to hold still long enough for this picture…) and then meant to go ahead and write my blog entry for the day… but as you can see, I didn’t get around to this until past 10:00pm. If you must know, I spent most of my day editing another block of chapters. By editing, I mean scribbling notes and scrawling “OMG WHAT A HORRIBLE CHAPTER WHAT WERE YOU THINKING” all over the place in pink highlighter. LOL. But, if I didn’t see where I went wrong, I wouldn’t be able to revise and fix those mistakes. So, I persevere, even when my Sims 3 game beckons to me enticingly from the other room. Ugh.

Today was my sister’s last day of high school. She’s graduating early and moving on to community college until she decides on a university to attend. She applied to several, but of course they won’t be sending letters out just yet. She’ll still walk and get a diploma in May, but until then, the early grads are required to make up their time with college courses so that they aren’t just wandering the streets like vagrants. Or, in my sister’s case, loitering in Starbucks and getting overly caffeinated, then sleeping from 5am to 8pm. By the way, I was totally blindsided by the fact that she chose Anthropology for her major. Yes, imagine my face. I’m not the biggest fan of this decision, but of course, it’s certainly her choice. I won’t get on a soapbox. After all, look what happened with MY major. I just never foresaw that she’d go for Anthropology, of all things. Time will tell…

01/1/12

{Project 365.1} I Decide To Try Project 365

Well, I’m aware that I’m typically awful at sticking to New Year’s resolutions, but I still give myself the chance to do it over again every January. LOL. This year I’m going to do my best to complete Project 365, with one picture and one blog entry to go with it (n0 matter how short). It’s mostly just something I’m doing for myself. I’m on the computer so much lately that my word processor has slowly dethroned the journal I used to write in fairly religiously. It was always my main method of de-tangling my thoughts, or venting when I was upset. Now I seem to keep these things inside more and more, or write out some random thing on a blank Word doc, then delete it. I’m not sure if it’s more therapeutic to write and then release, or to write and then re-read later, but I’ve decided that I’m going to keep up with this project regardless. Besides, I like taking pictures, too. I admire the fundamental goal of this project: to put together your string of days at the end of a year and see what you achieved, how you grew, and what you’ve become.

Oh! Speaking of starting over… today my Sims 3 game crashed on me a record 9 times in one day. I’ve always had so much trouble running this game, despite the fact that both of our computers meet the system requirements for it. The paradox is, I’ve always known the game would probably run better if I didn’t use custom content… but then, playing it without mods is SO LAME. Which would make me not want to play it, which would then negate the fact that I deleted it all to run the game minus mods. Well, I really just threw in the towel today and followed some instructions from forums and such on how to improve the game’s performance and diagnose why it was crashing so freaking much. I picked up The Sims 3 Dashboard tool, which basically scanned all of my files for corrupted, conflicting, or incompatible custom content .package files and let me disable or delete them. This was a brilliant idea, except that I accidentally deleted something my game needed to run T-T I got a weird blacked out loading screen with purple streaks running along the bottom, and then the game would tank before it could even get through 1/16th of the progress bar. I ended up just uninstalling both the main game and my one expansion pack and decided to try keeping the custom content anyway just to see if it ran any different. AND VOILA! IT NOW RUNS AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! WHAT THE HECK!!! I spent about 2 hours playing and was just dumbfounded at the improvement. I had to delete some stuff and go through the pain of re-installing, but this was worth it because the problem files causing my game to load at the speed of glaciers melting are now gone, and I can play the game at the performance level it should be at. Nothing short of amazing. I keep waiting for it to decide it’s done cooperating with me.

Anyway, due to more Asian superstition that has been embedded in me since birth, I spent part of my day cleaning house. I probably should’ve *technically* done this yesterday, so the year could start off with a shiny apartment, but whatever. I did it today. (I maintain that being flexible with tradition is the best route. Haha.) David dusted and vacuumed, I scrubbed the kitchen and my bathroom, and I finally folded the pile of laundry I’d been neglecting. My mom always cleaned (literally, she was a neurotic cleaner) vigorously for New Year’s, because she always said that having a messy house when the year began would leave you with a messy house until the year ended. Superstition or not, I think there’s definitely merit to having everything neat and organized — it’s always a good way to begin anything. So, I’m sitting now at my little built-in desk, which is one of my favorite things about this apartment because HEY I get to have TWO desks! And everything is in its place, and the faces of my favorite people smile at me from the wall. I think I’m off to a good start, so far.

11/2/11

Photography & I


I really enjoy photography, although I’m more of a backseat enthusiast since I’ve never had more than a point-and-shoot. Before that, I used to buy tons of those disposable Kodak cameras that you get developed when you’ve used all the film. I love taking pictures because for me, it saves that moment forever and you can never lose it. Thus, I have been known to photograph random things, or take more pictures of my surroundings than the people I’m with when I’m out sightseeing or traveling. I think the first “big” purchase I ever made was the Sony CyberShot that I ended up using for YEARS before I finally bought another when it wore out. (It looked a lot like this!) Photography was really the one thing we splurged on for our wedding, knowing that in 50 years it will be the pictures that stand the test of time, not our memories! Hahaha. (In all honesty, I’m glad we have the pictures because I had nooooo idea what was going on half the time. We did, after all, get married at the culmination of The Great Blizzard of 2011.) In any case, I have always loved taking pictures and have always owned some kind of camera. I’ve also always wished I knew more about it.

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